So I didn’t get the draft of the sex ed presentation written up like I had planned. Not because it was too much work, or I couldn’t find the words, but because talking about it with friends at Queerfest at the weekend opened up a whole bunch of things about my identity I didn’t know were there. So I’m going to use this to examine some of them instead.
Way back last year, not long after I had started this blog, I wrote a piece about coming out as Theo. In that I spoke about using genderqueer for a while before coming out as trans.
The thing is, I never stopped using genderqueer, and now more than ever it feels apt.
The very first post I wrote on this blog is about passing, and how gender is a spectrum. The most important part of that being that people often move back and forward along this spectrum. And this appears to be where I’m at.
It started when I was at Queerfest, and we had a conversation about what counts as masculine. There’s obviously the stereotypes, but it turns out there are a whole different set of expectations with trans guys.
And I really don’t fit many of them.
This isn’t something that worries me, I’ve said before I’m quite happy messing with peoples’ expectations and being a bit odd, but it is affecting the way I’m thinking about myself internally.
Outwardly it just means I’m using they/them pronouns again, and waffling away on this blog about it. Internally, well, that might take a bit more time to sort out.
All I know for certain at this point is I am certainly more towards the masculine end of the spectrum. I am just about to order another dress for a party, so take from that what you will.
More research needed!