[TW dysphoria, slurs, self-harm, suicide ideation]
This is not a dig at my non-trans friends, you folx rock.
This is a little hi-five to those who are though, because without meaning to, they make the world a million times easier to face.
There is a certain something to be said for the shared camaraderie when facing the same experiences, the “you got this” unspoken smiles and faces pulled in sympathy when you rail against a system that misunderstands you.
Time was I would have felt like I was alone in the world, unable to reach out and connect with someone who could truly be said to understand the utter revulsion and grief dysphoria can send coursing through a body that doesn’t feel truly mine.
Time was I would have self-medicated, self-harmed, done everything in my power to destroy this vessel that was not, is not, never will be me.
Time was I wouldn’t have cared if I succeeded.
Time was all I would have known about myself was “tranny” hissed in derision and disgust, a way of othering me far beyond anything else I had faced.
Time has a funny way of carrying on without you though, and bringing change even when you don’t pay any attention.
There are a group of people, none of whom are perfect, all of whom are perfectly flawed, but we bonded over this essential part of our being, we bring out the best in each other, and we finally make a space where we are comfortable in our skin.
This is a thank you, a love letter, a public notice to those who accepted me as I am, in every flaw and misguided word, who educated and filled my head with hope, who made me realise that I am fine as I am.
Trans friends aren’t the only ones who do this, but they do it best when they are not trying, because they have felt the highs and lows of this experience, and it doesn’t take the same effort for them to “get it”.
This is not a diss at my cis friends, but an ode to those who are trans.